Uncensored.

thegoddess-afrodite:

reblogalert:

Lifehack: Accidentally text the wrong person? Immediately put your phone on airplane mode and once it fails to deliver, delete the message.

This can save lives

(via uncharted-dreamer)

Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.
  • october 31st: SPOOOOOOKKKKKY!!!!!!!!!!! buy candy and scaaaary costumes here!!!
  • november 1st: JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING RING TING TINGLING TOOOOOO
kevinruddsbitch:

i-almost-forgot:

braydaaan:

HAPPINESS IN ONE POST TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL 

WHY DOES THIS NOT HAVE MORE NOTES

my favourite twitter page of all time 
Straight White Boy Problem #92

straightwhiteboyproblems:

i asked my gf to get me a hot chocolate a couple weeks ago and instead she got me an ICED hot chocolate from starbucks AND she also got herself a caramel ICED coffee. i wasnt mad but when i asked her ‘why’ she said she cant post hot drinks on instagram because the cups arent clear and it wont get any likes wtf

(via jamesbaxtersbeachball)

turkey-imported-from-maine:

firelorcl:

meladoodle:

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

(via yourpefectdisaster)

averagefairy:

moms are so temperamental you say one thing like “have you seen my hoodie” and theyre like your HOODIE??? YOUR HOODIE???? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY THINGS I HAVE TO DO EVERY DAY AND YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR HOODIE? NOBODY HELPS ME IN THIS HOUSE I DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF AND NOBODY ASKS HOW I AM YOUR FATHER IS AN ALCOHOLIC 

(via uncharted-dreamer)

2dcc:

take me to a museum. kiss me on the steps. shove the Mona Lisa up my ass

(via robotlynx)

zaynhappened:

hatchworthsmoustache:

missjraffe:

cvn-t:

The hottest things I’ve ever been told.

I’m just picturing someone screaming “BONJOUR” at a penis

#SACRE BLEU MADEMOISELLE VAGINA#HON HON HON TITTY CROISSANTS

TITTY CROISSANTS
captainobsessed:

rawdi-kun:

Today I got my friends to help me turn the whole class sideways and sit in the chairs like we normally would for April Fools and wait for our teacher to walk in. We also flipped her desk, chair and computer. The faces on the students passing our homeroom were priceless.

I’m not gonna lie, I thought you had somehow magically stapled your desks to the wall and I am the biggest idiot ever
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